shit is gettin real and i can tell; we dont talk anymore and if we do then it always ends in drama bullshit or a “whatever” attitude. My feelings are slowly drifting away and she told me that usually she woulda left by now if it was anyone else. To be honest, its her decision so she can leave if she wants to . No matter what, i will still love her and she will always be in my heart. I dont even know where we stand right now but i guess i will find out eventually.
SO….I HAVE ALOT TO SAY BUT IMMA TRY AND SHORTEN IT. FROM WHAD I OBSERVED, SHE FEELS AS IF I GIVE HER MY ASS TO KISS AND SHIT. I CAN SEE WHERE SHE COMING FROM SINCE WE HARDLY TALK, BUT HEY, WHAT TWO EXES DONT; SHIT IS NEVER THE SAME AFTER TWO PEOPLE BREAK UP AND IF IT IS EXACTLY THE SAME AFTERWARDS, THEN THERE REALLY WAS NO LOVE THERE AT ALL. I KNOW I PUSHED HA AWAY AFTER OUR BREAKUP CUZ EVERYTIME WE WOULD TALK AND GET INTO A REALLY GREAT CONVO IT WOULD REMIND ME OF THE GOOD ONES WE HAD. GUESS YOU COULD SAY I WAS STROLLIN DOWN MEMORY LANE OR SOMETHIN :/ AND I SMILE AND EVERYTHING TIL I REALIZE THAT AT THE END OF THE DAY WE’RE NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE. AND THEN I ASK MYSELF, IF WE’RE NOT TOGETHER, THEN WHAT DO WE CALL EACH OTHER? DAMN SHO AINT FRIENDS CUZ NOBODY DOES AND TALK HOW WE DO ON A FRIEND LEVEL OR AT LEAST HOPE NOT CUZ BOY WE BE GETTIN EXPLICIT AND X-RATED AT TIMES, HAHA. BUT I DID NOTICE ONE NIGHT SHE REFERRED TO ME AS HER FRIEND AND I JUST WENT OFF LIKE, “REALLY, SO WE JUST FRIENDS NOW” ; I WOULDA RATHER HER SAID EX IT WOULDA LET WHOEVER KNOWN THAT WE WERE ONCE UPON A TIME MORE THAN FRIENDS BUT THEN I REALZIED I AINT WANNA BLOW IT OUTTA PROPORTION SO I JUST LET IT GO. WE AT THE POINT NOW WHERE WE TALK LIKE MAYBE THREE TIMES A DAY. I REALIZE THAT HAS TO CHANGE. TO BE REAL I HATE THAT RUDE SHIT AT TIMES LIKE WHEN I ASK HOW ARE YOU ALL I GET BACK IS “IM GOOD” OR “IM WONDERFUL” STEAD OF THAT AND THEN “WBU”. BUT IVE PUT UP WITH IT DURING THE RELATIONSHIP SO WHY NOT PUT UP WITH IT NOW, AND I KNOW SHE MEANS NO HARM CUZ BEFORE I TOLD HER BOUT THAT, SHE SAID SHE WAS USE TO DOING IT SO IT WAS NO BIGGIE. BUT SERIOUS SHIT I STILL LOVE HER THOUGH AND SHE STAYS ON MY MIND. WE HAFTA FIND A WAY TO SORT OUT OUR DIFFERENCES. IN FACT, I TOLD HER WAY BACK IN DECEMBER THAT I HAD SOMETHING TO ASK HER. BUT I BEEN PUTTIN IT OFF WHENEVER WE BUMPED HEADS BUT I STILL DO WANNA ASK HER; ITS NUN BAD AT ALL AND IM SURE SHE WOULD BE KINDA ASTOUNDED WHEN I ASK HER.IT MAY TAKE A WHILE FOR A RESPONSE BUT I GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD SO I CAN WAIT PATIENTLY FOR THAT. IM OFF THIS MOTHERFUCKER. SIGNED AND MOTHERFUCKIN DELIVERED,
MAN WHAT A PAST WEEK;I SWEAR PEOPLE MAKE YA FEEL LIKE U DONT EVEN WANNA BELONG ON DIS EARTH. I DONE HEARD AND BEEN TOLD SO MUCH SHIT THAT IT DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE. DONT EVEN FEEL IMPORTANT TO ANYONE AT DA MOMENT RYTE NOW. ALL DIS HELL I BE GOING THROUGH IT DONT MAKE NO MOTHERFUCKIN SENSE. ALREADY STRESSIN OVER SCHOOL AND NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE MY GF FOR A WHYLE. ALREADY HARD BEING AWAY FROM HER NOW KUZ I KNOW HOW NIGGAS ARE; THEY TRY AND TAKE YA GURL EVEN IF SHE SAY SHE TAKEN.I KNOW; HAS ALMOST HAPPENED TO ME B4. DATS DA REAL REASON WHY IM AFRAID AT TIMES; NOT ON HER PART; JUST IF SHE MEET AND MAKE FRIENDS WIT DA WRONG NIGGA THEN ITS DOWNHILL AFTER THAT. LOVE HER TOO FUCKIN MUCH TO LOSE HER OVER SUM B.S. OR TO SUMONEZ ONE NITE STAND.SHE HAS MY MF HEART ON LOCK AND NOBODY WILL CHANGE THAT. YEA I KNOW SHE BE AFRAID SUMTIMES BUT SHE DONT SAY NUN. I HAVE TO DAMN NEAR PULL HER TEETH TO GET HER TOO BUT I UNDERSTAND KUZ ITZ WAT GURLS DO. BUT SHIT GOT TO ME TODAY BOUT DA FUCKIN SMOKIN; I THOUGHT I WAS TOLD DAT SHE DONT SMOKE. DATS BOUT DA ONLY THANG I BEEN TRIPPIN ON DA WHOLE DAY. ALWAYS KOME AT HER BUT IF I DO THEN ITS FOR A REASON. I KNOW SHE GET TIRED OF IT AND DO TOO AND SHE TOLD ME SHE WOULDNT DO ANYTHANG TO JEOPARDIZE OUR SHIP AND I BELIEVE HER. SHE JUST DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE HER. I HATE BEING LED TO; JUST WANT DA TRUTH EVEN IF SUMTHIN BAD HAD WENT DOWN KUZ I WOULD TELL HER DA SAME KUZ SHE LYKE DA BEST THANG DATS HAPPENED TO ME. I KNOW I TRIP OVER DA SIMPLEST SHIT BUT IM TRYIN EACH AND EVERY DAY TO PROGRESS AND I THINK SHE KNOWS THAT BUT I JUST HAVE MY MOMENTZ AT TIMES BUT JUST WANT HER TO BE THERE ALONG WITH ME. AND I SWEAR I HATE THAT DAMN SPRINT PHONE. SHE CAN KUZZ ME OUT FOR SAYING IT BUT IDGAF KUZ I MISS HER TEXTIN ME BACK ASAP AND I GET UPSET AND SUMTIMES SAD WHEN T TAKES FOREVER TO REPLY; IMMA GET HER A NEW ONE FAREAL AND SENT T TO HER DORM VIA MAIL; AND SHE BETTER USE IT. BOTTOM LINE IS I LOVE HER TO DEATH AND DATS MY BABY AND NUN WILL CHANGE THAT. KCW<3TJM. POINT BLANK. I KNOW SHE BOUT TO CHEW ME OUT ON HERE BUT DC AT DA MOMENT. I DESERVE IT SO DO WAD YA DO IMMA LOVE YA REGARDLESS AND IMMA ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU. JUST HAD TO SAY WAT FELT
Oh my fuckin goodness, ion know where to begin at. I met this chick a couple of months ago on fb tryna be friendly and shit. At first i didnt think she would respond back to my messages kuz she looked like the stuck up type; i aint go even lie.but yu know wat? i thank God everyday that I did meet her because she is the best thing in my life right now and i would trade her for nothing in da world; even if i had an opportunity to live forever; i would die happy knowing that i spent my life with her and that i loved her as much as she loves me. We’ve had our ups and downs plenty of times but what couple doesn’t go thru that kuz there isn’t a such thang as a perfect relationship. We are going our separate ways shortly because she will be in Statesboro and I will be in Atlanta. Dont think i wont drive all da way down there and put it on her like no other lol. Everynite we stay up as long as we can with each other and if she has to wake up extra early that morning then i stay up all nite just to wait for her to wake up so i can deliver the good morning text and tell her how much i love her. We stay cakin lol; in fact imma call her tonite if she isnt too busy or tired. Bottom line is that i love her to death and i love making her happy and smiling and just brightening up her day. Sure we may talk and text other people but at the end of the day, I am all hers and she is all mine. I am proud to say that i am in love with Kalandria Charniece Williams (McCall) ;)I hope you get the chance to read this baby. I love you , from the bottom of my heart, forever and always and nothing will ever change that.